This is a hard lesson for me to believe. I know what the Word says. I know what my husband, family & friends tell me is true. Yet somehow I am still my own worst critic. I judge myself harshly & give myself expectations that are just unrealistic at times. I have always been this way. As a child if I did something wrong I would tell on myself and then offer up the worst possible punishment. Instead of grounding myself for a weekend, I would tell my parents I needed to be grounded for 2 weeks. I know. I’m a nut.
(let me just say this was in my late elementary years NOT high school years)
In high school I would always compare myself to my friends and peers. I wanted to look, act and BE like them. They were pretty, skinny & seemed to just know what they wanted in life. If you knew me back then you probably wouldn’t think that I felt this way. I came across as confident, outgoing & determined. And I was, to an extent, but I still had the self-doubt and critical nature deep down.
In college I did well with my grades but not as well as my peers. I would have to literally read a chapter 3 times for it to finally make sense for me. (comprehending what I read takes a LOT of concentration for me) It was a challenge but I did succeed. I graduated and got my degree but landed myself without a teaching job the year after I graduated with a 3.2GPA which was WAY above my high school GPA which was a whopping 2.6. I watched as all my friends got jobs and there I was moving back in with my parents, getting a job at a local gym and doubting my abilities to ever become a teacher.
When I became a wife & mother it got worse. Always questioning what I should be doing – how I can be a better wife and Mother. If I am doing everything I can for them, wondering if I made the right decisions, yelling at myself in my head after I lost my tempter with my husband or kids. Not to mention all the stuff that floats in my head regarding blogging and my new design business. It’s just a never ending battle, one that I work hard to keep at bay and not dwell on. One that will forever be present in my life but I’m learning to subdue – because I know they are not of truth.
Are you your own worst critic?